Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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