i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
