dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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