sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
