i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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