doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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