May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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