So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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