He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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