Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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