she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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