Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
