You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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