you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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