When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
