..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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