It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
