I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
