Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
