We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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