She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
stop calling my apartment porn island.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
