i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
