Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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