Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
