At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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