I wish I only lived at night.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
