That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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