I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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