Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
