Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
