and she was petting her beer can
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
