The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
