I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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