I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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