I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
