WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
