FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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