I just pynch a tree in the face
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
