can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
