Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
