its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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