guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
