it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
