She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
