peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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