you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
