Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
