Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
