I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
