me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
