yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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