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the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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