my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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