eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is Oprah even human
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
