That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
