You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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