I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
