I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
