rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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