Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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