I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
