I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
