I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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