if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
