That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
