I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
