I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
