My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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