i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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