if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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