We're facebook friends in real life
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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