You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
