ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
