and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize