Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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