her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I enjoy the company of your penis
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
