I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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