I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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