WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
