He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize