Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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