I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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