What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
