Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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