Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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