you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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