the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
